Other than Chris (shlepcar), four of my five sons are living with me. Two have been living with us, now we welcomed two more. From what I can surmise, it's women problems. Other than what they have shared with me, I have come to the conclusion that we- that includes me- are irresistible as all hell.
For me it has nothing to do with my looks. In fact, at 64, I'm a gray-haired, overweight, toothless, opinionated, crabby SOB! I could go anytime! Read the obits. Simply put, I'm desirable because of the size of my income, an income that is guaranteed until upon my demise, when I will be worth another $50,000. My cremation is paid for and anything I owe will be paid off on receipt of my Certificate of Dead.
My spouse has told some of her “talky” friends this, and the word gets around. She once had an old “Olive Oyl' question her, asked if she was gonna be done with me!! Women seem to sense that, when you are single, you know, that lonely desperation! Back when I couldn't even sneak up on my hand, it was pitiful, this was before the realization that singleness is bliss.
Groceries are beer, hot wings, beer, ramen, beer, hotdogs, beer, catsup, beer. The microwave, or as they were originally called “Radar Range”, is the invention of this century!! Fuck PCs, they can't cook your weiner!! I parked my Harley in the living room and listened to all them old blues. Pissed in the shower. Let my dog sleep on the bed! Once a woman moved in that all stopped.
”Your vacuum would work if you emptied it”. I use the Shop Vac! “I'm throwing out these ‘nasty’ magazines! Why is this old Poloroid hanging on your headboard? Dog poop all over your lawn, when the lawn gets mowed, its chopped up and spread out! Why is your Dog at the table when we eat? He is always sniffin me!! I wish you would get rid of him, so I can get a cat! The neighbor lady said you named him “Alf” because he ate a cat!!!”Oh joy, Ma is reincarnated!! What's with this?
Women attract women! They don't like each other, it's more of a tolerance. They have kept some of them
“primitive traits” SNIFFIN you, your truck, they can smell three day old pussy, beer, weed! Read your mail without opening it. Women can be evil!
My sons on the other hand are handsome devils and ladies like them, which is where their problems begin. I have noticed women will come on to them when they are with their woman! These women do not care that they are with their women. I've seen them flirt, tease, talk that talk! A few have come right out and handed them telephone numbers in front of their now, pissed off jealous women, whom have been ignored, acting as if they were not there at all. This was after the giggling, bending forward (lookit my titties).
Anyhoo the Boys seem to also forget who they are with. This leads to “I SAW YOU LOOKING AT HER FAT ASS, OR BIG TITTIES! which in the short version is why they are now living with me. Dad was Ma Evil? She was the Evilist!!! My rules are simple,don't bring them home! NO DRAMA MAMA's!!!...
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