Tammy Wynette - 1968 - D-I-V-O-R-C-E [originally posted on 11/8/2009]

My son Chris was a youngster when his Ma and I parted ways. She took a “vacation”, so he lived with me for a while. My twin sister and Christopher's grandmother, Mrs. Earley, rescued him from me. No more motorcycle runs, or fetchin' another beer for me, or some of the nasty women I was seeing. There was an ex-hooker who rode her own Harley, who threatened to “deflower” Chris by his 15th b-day!

Anywhoo Chris ended up moving to a farm and living with his cousins, my twin sister and her husband. They were determined to give him a “proper” upbringing. They were also of the religious right-wing persuasion-something I'm against! I would visit Chris at their farm. Usually it was a holiday, or when I was invited to his Grandmother's farm where, after I was adopted as a child, I was raised to be a good Catholic by “Mrs. Earley”. She was called this by everyone. Being a registered OB nurse in a small town hospital, she had been in the delivery room of every rugrat that was conceived within 50 miles.

Anywhoo they set out to show Chris the error of my ways. One of them was to take him to the Catholic church so he would some day go to Heaven or Hell. Oh would they get pissed when I would say that! So after buying a white shirt and tie, Mrs. Earley and Chris walked into the Immaculate Conception Church to her favorite pew. Everyone got a good look at Mrs. Earley's grandson.  ”Oh he was dressed so nice”- which is a biggy in Catholic Churches! As the mass proceeded, Chris, who was 4 years old at the time, got restless. Finally it was time for the sermon. 

As the Old Windbag Priest paused, Chris said in a loud voice “JESUS CHRIST Grandma! When can we go?” Whereupon Mrs Earley with Chris in tow, proceeded to the side exit door looking for the fastest way out of Church! Later she told me how embarrassed she was and that it was my fault, teaching Chris how to swear! My claim was he was praying!! She never took Chris to church again! 

Later they would get their payback on me, lying about where Chris lived with his ma. It would be years before I saw my son again!

-Rat