Halloween was a fun night out for me as a kid. All the neighboring farmers knew who we were under our mostly-homemade costumes. I took the sheet off my bed and cut holes in it so I could be a ghost. Later, I caught hell when my Ma washed it.
Anyhoo, most of these farm women made the treats they passed out: caramel apples, fudge, a white vandy called divinity, pulled taffy... stuff you only hear about from your elders. As we grew older, trick or treating was replaced by us teenagers performing acts of vandalism and other nonsense. If we were caught, we would get our asses whipped, and we had to pay for all damages. This was not a police or court matter- it was decided by whomever had been vandalized and your folks.
It was the 50s, and most country people had not yet put in electricity or indoor plumbing. They had “outhouses” at the country school I attended. Someone in the hoodlum crowd I ran with decided it would be a fun idea to tip over the Muchko Brothers outhouse, a wooden “two holer”. The Muchko Brothers were bachelor farmers whose farm was immaculate and had been in their family for generations. The Bros, as they were called, still farmed the “old way”, with horses, although they drove a new GMC 3/4 ton pickup and a 1950 Black Buick Roadmaster.
All four were in their 40s and had fought in WWII. It was rumored they buried their money in coffee cans around their farm. Their farm was a good 1/2 mile off the road, and we would have to walk in to keep the element of surprise.
That evening started off with us meeting at the gravel pit- we had a key to the chain that hung across the road (nowadays they block the entrance with boulders). Anyhoo, after the 5 of us got shitfaced on beer, it was decided that we'd take one car, remember, the element of surprise. This particular Halloween night was a dark one. You couldn't see your hand in front of your face. After getting lost a few times, a flashlight was procured from the parked car. By this time it was nearly midnight and was starting to get cool.
”Gonna be frost on the pumpkin tonight.” someone said.
”Shhh, we're almost there. One more barb wire fence and we will be in the tree line where the “shitter” is, now shhh, be quiet. Ah hell all the lights are out in the house, them old boys are in bed!”
It was about then we heard a shluup! and Dicky screaming, “Help me outta here. I'm in shit up to my neck!”
By that time we had all run back to the woods and right into the electric fence that had been turned on since we came. It was then we heard this wild laughter, “We gotcha boys! We pulled that old Ford you drove up in- it's in the yard.”
About then, the yard light came on and all four of the Muchko Boys were laughing and teasing. One had turned the garden hose on Dick. He was standing there shivering as the old man washed the shit offa him.
”Well boys, did ya learn anything tonight?”
We all kinda looked at the ground.
”Listen boys, we knew this would happen again as it did when we were kids. Sit down and have a beer. We ain't gonna tell your folks cause there was no damage. Every Halloween we dig a new hole and move the outhouse. We put a little tarpaper and dirt over the hole, sit in the treeline and wait and see what we catch.. There is no harm done and we had a good time! Hope you learned your lesson. Don't be messin' with OLD Veterans!!”
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