1968 - I came home from the far east.
SINCE I was 17, I had been in Hawaii, Okinawa, Thailand, the Philippines, Australia, and two tours of Vietnam. After 4 years and 4 months, I was getting out of the US Marines at 21. Having been in all these countries, I had sampled their beer and “skivvy houses”. The cost for a “Shortime”, or “Boom-Boom, ME Love You Forever! Girl” was $2.00 to $5.00, a fair price indeed. It was heaven. Anywhoo, my point being, after getting my young ass laid hundreds of times, from Hotel St. Honolulu to “Dogpatch” Danang, I hadn’t caught anything- no clap, no crabs, no anything!
Golden Gate State Park, Feb 1968. Me and a few friends had been in Hue City for the beginning of the “Tet Offensive”. We were Combat Marines having just come out of battle! Tight as a drum, we were wired for sound. This may be the first you have heard, but combat makes you horny!
Anywhoo, we were in the park, a couple million hippies, lotsa grass and other shit. This hippie chick comes up to me, I pass along a joint. When she asked “D’ya wanna ball?”, having no idea what she meant, I looked at my friends questioningly. She wants to FUCK YOU DUMMIE! A BOOM-BOOM GIRL, I said! Into the bushes we went for 15 minutes! They timed me! Remember I said combat makes ye horny!
After the concert, I ended up downtown at the Marine Memorial Club, sitting alone at a table. This older woman - 40 something - sent over a bottle of beer. As I said thanks, I joined her at her table. Later at her high rise, she proved to be as horny as I was! In the AM I got up, dressed, threw $5 on the bed and caught a bus back to Oakview Naval Hospital. The next time a corpsman took my vitals, he noticed me itching my crotch, and after looking me over, said “You’re going into ISO! You have the crabs!”
After being treated for the crabs, they said a blood sample showed I had “the Clap” and I would have to spend a week in isolation! Great! A corpsman said “We are not obligated, but it would be a good idea to notify your last sexual partner.” I didn't know where to find that crab-clap infested hippie chick, but I had the old lady’s address. The Corpsmen gave me a tube of crab medication and said to tell her I had given her a dose! Upon arriving at her condo, she slammed her door in my face. I figured she was pissed after finding out she had the crabs. Wanting to be of some help, I shouted through her door “I brought you some medicine. Rub it on your pubic area and try and get some up your rectum! And you better get a blood test!” As I turned to leave I heard doors being shut and locked.
Well anywhoo, I been doin’ good deeds since!
Rat-a tat-tat!
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