Stop me if you've heard this one before! Oh, I guess you can't. Most of the stories I tell have been heard numerous times by friends, wives and kids. My friends let me tell it, but my wife and kids hold up their fingers indicating how many times I told it. Disrespectful!!
Anyhoo, it's football season, and the team of mostly millionaires here is owned by billionaires, and today I found myself being sucked into that maniac fan vortex again! I say AGAIN, because back in the 70s, the Vikings lost four Super Bowls! The reason I jumped back on that bandwagon was good Ol' Boy Brett Favre (pronounced farv). It was that pass he threw in the last few seconds of that San Francisco game... that's all it took- I was in.
Hooked on a game that's corporate football, played by these fuckin' jocks who have never done anything in their lives but play football. Remember, they were pampered in high school. Two of my buds played college ball. They had all kinda shit given them. No one paid attention then, it was the 60s. So what if they took that Heisman back [from Reggie Bush]! He is paid 1,000,000s.
Anyhoo, they sell us video games, BEER, trucks, jeans- we elevate them to HERO status. Paint team colors on our cars, trucks, buy t-shirts $30.00 and up, build billion dollar stadiums with retractable roofs...you get my point.
Back in the 70s, I rode a “Hog”, partied a lot and generally had a good time, until it snowed. Sometimes I left Minnesota for warmer climes. I had a union card, so I pretty much got a job wherever I went.
Anyhow back to the winter of 76-77- the Vikes played Oakland in the Super Bowl. Super Sundays always mean “party hearty”. I stayed at my partner Little Woodie's house. So Sunday we walked over the ice to this bar that morning. After a few and shooting some pool, Woodie's wife Sue called the bar. She told him to get home, they were starting to party. Sue sent a snowmobile after Woodie. He said I'll send him back for you.
About then, the barmaid started whining “Oh, please stay with me”- free beer, I'll pull the recliner out... about 4 hours later I was shitfaced. The VIKEQUEENS HAD LOST AGAIN!!!.
In the morning, I woke up in the bedroom in Woodie's basement where I usually slept alone, but I wasn't alone. Me and the barmaid were naked. She had gained 100 lbs and she was singing. I told her to shut up and to get dressed while I showered. As I was trying to sneak her out of the house, I heard surprise!! There were about 15 people laughing and yelling that I had won the “PIG CONTEST”. I had the biggest one there. I tried to hurry her out the door. She wanted to stay, so I left her there. I drove back to St.Paul, swore off drinkin', and fat girls... that lasted about a week!
That was then, this is now! So anyhoo I'm a “fairweather fan” AND WILL BE GETTING OFF THE VIKINGS BANDWAGON!! after their first two losses!! I'm too old! Go TWINS!!...
No comments:
Post a Comment